Testy Conversations
by PrimeFan
Summary: 2007 MovieVerse: Series of oneshot conversations featuring our favorite transformers trying to fit into their new home.  Situations turn testy as unwanted, unsaid and downright unfortunate events play out and, well...even leaders have their moments...
1. OJ

Summary: 2007 Movie-Verse: A conversation between a commander and his second as they adjust to their new home. Jazz is alive and well for some mysterious reason and Optimus is in a rare testy mood. Combined with a rather unusual, unwanted, unsaid situation…well…even leaders have their moments…

**AN**: Please excuse the OOCness. I had to get it out of my head...

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"Big O, this sucks…"

"I'm not disagreeing with you, Jazz."

"This really, _really_ sucks…"

"I _know_, Jazz."

"…did I tell you how much I think this sucks? Cause if I did, I don't think I managed to get my point across…"

"…_sigh…_"

CLANK.

Yelp. "OW!! What in the slaggin' pit was that for, Optimus?!"

"…my attempt at silencing you seems to have failed. Should I try again?"

"No need, no need! Jeez, what crawled down your smoke stacks?"

"…a certain silver mech who does not know the meaning of the word 'silence'."

"…if you wanted me to shut up why didn't you just say so?"

"Fine, then."

"Eh?"

"Shut. Up."

CLANG BOOM.

"…that was uncalled for! _Frag_, that _hurt_!!"

"The humans have a saying: 'Third time's the charm.' Should we find out if it has merit?"

"No, no. I'm cool, I'm cool." Mutter. "Son of a _glitch_…"

"What was that?"

Silence.

"I thought so."

"…_sucks_…"

CRASH.

"…"

"…the humans were right."

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'**Transformers' doesn't belong to anyone besides those who do. In other words, this humble spontaneous writer doesn't own anything besides the conversation and a crappy monitor…oh the unfairness of it all…**


	2. Ratchet and Ironhide

Summary: 2007 MovieVerse: Ironhide does something and confesses to Ratchet. See consequences below.

::uncontrollable giggle::

**AN: **Ironhide isn't this cruel in the original cartoon, I know. But this is movie-verse. Forgive the callousness of his actions…

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Mutter. Weld. Clank. Curse. Mutter.

"…Ratchet?"

Clank. Clank. Curse. "What?" Mutter...

"…nothin'. Never mind."

Pause.

"What the slag did you do this time, 'Hide?"

"…what makes you think I did anythin'?"

Sigh. "Your energon pump has increased its activity since you came in here. You're fidgeting and you're staring at the ceiling as if it were Chromia's-"

Sputter. "Don't you _dare_ finish that-"

"What did you do?"

Shuffle. "I _might_ have done something…"

Sigh. "I figured _that_. Now what _exactly _did you _do_?"

Grumble.

Dead silence. "…I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that."

"…I might have accidentally run over the boy's rodent pet."

Mutter. "…I was afraid of that." Snarl. "Ironhide, you slaggin' _idiot_!!!"

"Honest to Primus, I didn' mean it!" Pause. Scurry. "Put that away, Ratch-"

CLANG

Yelp. "The lubricatin' rodent was in the middle of the-" Duck.

CRASH. BOOM.

"-road! What's that? Oh, Primus, don't throw _that_."

"That isn't an excuse, you smeltin-"

"IRONHIDE!!! I KNOW YOU'RE IN HERE, YOU PET KILLER!!!"

Pause.

Indignant. "Are you trying to hide in _my_ med-bay?"

Transform. Whisper. "Sh. If the boy asks, you never saw me."

Rolls out.

Silence.

Tap, tap. "…three, two…"

"GET BACK HERE, YOU PIECE OF JUNK!!!"

Tires squeal.

Distant rumbling.

Silence.

"…he ran the dog over on purpose, the slagger…"

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'**Transformers' doesn't belong to anyone besides those who do. I just own the idea and the hope that some people find these situations as funny as they appear in my head.**

**AN: **Just because the dog might have gotten run over, doesn't mean he's dead…although considering it's a GMC Topkick vs. Mojo the Chihuahua…


	3. Optimus and Ratchet

**Disclaimer: I no own Transformers, _comprende_**

Just a conversation between Ratchet and Optimus. The truck comes back to base only to be informed that his weapons specialist has run afowl of the Witwicky family…by running over their "rodent pet."

Continuation of the last chapter. Enjoy. XD

_

* * *

_Exasperated. "…he did _what_?" 

Smirk. "Ironhide ran over Sam's pet, sir."

Sigh. Mutter. Curse. "I suppose I better make a formal apology to the family."

Smirk widens. "Oh, I didn't say the boy's pet was _dead_."

With some amount of disappointment. "It's not?"

"No, it's not."

Mutter. Pause. With some amount of trepidation. "…and the family?"

In some amount of glee. "Two of them are looking for Ironhide. Mr. Witwicky is the only one home and caring for the immobilized pet. Mrs. Witwicky and Sam are in pursuit of 'Hide with the assistance of Bumblebee."

"…and Ironhide?"

"He's currently headed towards Las Vegas, a city a couple earth hours away at the speed limit."

…sigh. "I suppose we better save him then."

In disappointment. "…do we have to?"

Slight amusement. "That's being a bit cruel, Ratchet."

"No. Not cruel." Pause. "I just have a scientific interest in the outcome of this occurrence."

Transforms. Perplexed. "Scientific interest?"

"Judy and Sam Witwicky made some very interesting threats. I wish to see if any of them are possible considering our mechanical make-up."

Rolls out. Hidden mirth. "I suppose that has _some_ merit."

Surprised. "Sir?"

"What say you to going just below the speed limit, and resting our old circuits?"

Amused disbelief. "I'd say you were the one being cruel." Slows to ten below limit. "Buuut… why not?"

"Indeed." Chuckle. "Why not?"

* * *

**AN:** This chapter…was exceptionally hard to write for whatever odd reason. Hence the long wait. It's not my best, I'll admit, but :snerk: I still get a kick out of Judy Witwicky chasing Ironhide all the way to Vegas for running over her precious Mojo… 

Speaking of, here's a bit extra that I almost didn't post…Enjoy!

_A couple hours away from the base…_

_A truck roars down the road at twenty over the speed limit. "Prime, Ratchet, where the slag are you?"_

_"IRONHIDE!!!" A flash of yellow in the distance…_

_Desperately."Slaggit"Speeds up._

_"IF YOU DON'T SLOW DOWN, MISTER HIDE, I SWEAR TO GOD, I'LL KICK THE CRAP-" Pause. "-SCRAP OUT OF YOU!!! TEACH YOU TO RUN OVER MY, YOU OVERGROWN BOLTBRAIN-"_

_The rest of the words were lost to the wind as both vehicles disappeared in a cloud of dust._


End file.
